My son is on the autism spectrum and has behavior issues. How do I separate myself from the difficult things he does and protect myself from becoming too demoralized, while still remaining connected and trying to help him?

—Feeling Isolated

Dear Feeling Isolated,

I am so sorry. So many parents in your situation feel isolated and alone as they work on being the best parent they can be for their child.

With that in mind, my first encouragement is to make sure you find other parents like yourself. I know there are many parents on the same journey as you. Lean on them as much as you can.

My second encouragement is to take a step back and remember the big picture. One of the things I emphasize over and over with all parents is that this love race is a marathon, not a sprint. Never beat yourself up for a bad hour, day, or week. Even give yourself grace for a bad year. You and your child will still be ok in the end.

If you have access to services in your area and can afford it, find a child psychologist with experience working with kids on the autism spectrum. I know this can be hard but make sure you’ve tried. If your child has significant mood problems, consider trying neurofeedback, which has shown some promise in reducing mood symptoms.

In terms of the issue of protecting oneself in the thick of it: breathe deep, take a time out for yourself if you need it (so long as everybody’s safe,) and remember that he really really, really does love you but his brain just won’t let him show it sometimes. Parenting a high needs kid is relentless, and you need to fight for any hour, minute, or second that you can get in your day or week to take care of yourself. No guilt allowed. You have earned it and more. You are doing the best you can today and that is enough for today. Grace can and will fill in the rest.