For the last several months, my 15-year-old daughter has been acting withdrawn and secretive, and getting upset whenever I ask her what’s wrong. She’s also only been wearing long sleeve shirts, even in this warmer weather. Yesterday she opened up enough to show me her arms, which have multiple scratches and cut lines on them. She’s been cutting. I still don’t know why. I told her we’d get through this together, but I feel terrified. I don’t know how got here, so how can we make our way out? — Heartbroken Mama...
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Here’s a composite memory: I am five, eight, twelve, sixteen years old. I’ve sassed my mother, or lied to my father. I’ve ruined a new dress, stayed out too late, misbehaved in church, or ignored my chores. I’ve failed in some way, trivial or terrible, and I’ve been caught. But the most painful part of the memory is not the discovery. It’s what happens after I’m caught, after I apologize, after I’m punished and sent to my room. The darkest part is the shame....
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